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June 29 Cats, cops, & stuffEverything seems to be back on track again. Whew! What a week it's been! I've been wanting to do something new these days. Kinda break out of that mid-summer rut. I've yet to take a TRUE vacation this summer and I think I'm going to have to schedule a little break, just for me. First week of the month is bad for me due to the monthly paperwork that has to be completed before inspection. Middle of the month will probably be better.
Our little black kitten, Boo, was attacked by some dogs last weekend and after an emergency trip to the vet, Boo is doing a little better. She's not up and walking yet, but she's eating like a horse and is beginning to move around. Hubby thought she was already dead, but I know that Boo is a fighter. We also found one of Lily's babies on Sunday. He's a tabby and looks just like a tiger cub. Lily refused to care for him so we are now his parents. He's about 3 weeks old and takes about 6-12cc's of milk 4-5 times a day. He cries constantly, but he's getting better. He's too cute! I told Hubby to name him, but after nearly a week with no name (Hubby wanted to call him "Shithead") I've named him "Piglet". He eats like a pig and LOVES to root around under pillows, blankets, etc. It's a lot more crazy trying to get him fed, but it's different and I like it.
I'm beginning to wish there was an intelligence test that was mandatory before obtaining a driver's license. People are consistantly coming into our office to get their driver's license reinstated, renewed, etc. The driver's license office is next door, plainly and boldly marked. However, these morons keep coming in here. One thing I CAN say is that Georgia is FULL of stupid drivers!!!! One guy came in and wanted to know where he could PHYSICALLY go to get his driver's license renewed. One of the other girls here told him he could PHYSICALLY go next door to do that. I thought to myself, is it possible to MENTALLY or EMOTIONALLY go and get a driver's license??? Maybe that guy need to go somewhere else to CHECK on his MENTALITY!!!! It's funny how people can be so incompetent! That's one reason I love this job. LOL
Hope you're all doing well. Take care! June 20 New MeaningsI'm still a little blue, but I ran across this song the other day and I had to share it. Well, the words anyway. The first time I heard it, I found several different meanings in what it's saying, but as it applies to me now, I see something totally different in it.
Easy Silence
When the calls and conversations Accidents and accusations Messages and misperceptions Paralyze my mind Busses, cars, and airplanes leaving Burning fumes of gasoline And everyone is running And I come to find a refuge in the Easy silence that you make for me It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me And the peaceful quiet you create for me And the way you keep the world at bay for me The way you keep the world at bay Monkeys on the barricades Are warning us to back away They form commissions trying to find The next one they can crucify And anger plays on every station Answers only make more questions I need something to believe in Breathe in sanctuary in the Easy silence that you make for me It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me And the peaceful quiet you create for me And the way you keep the world at bay for me The way you keep the world at bay Children lose their youth too soon Watching war made us immune And I've got all the world to lose But I just want to hold on to the Easy silence that you make for me It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me And the peaceful quiet you create for me And the way you keep the world at bay for me The easy silence that you make for me It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me And the peaceful quiet you create for me And the way you keep the world at bay for me The way you keep the world at bay for me The way you keep the world at bay June 19 Still feeling a bit blueI'm feeling a little better today now that I'm back at work. My mother has apologized for being so mean and nasty, however it's up to me to stop this cycle of psychological abuse. It's obvious from her emails that this is just like physical abuse only with words. Even the excuses and words are the SAME!!! I'm going to take a break from this "family" thing for awhile and I'm going to try to focus on my birthfamily for a while. I still want to get to know my brothers and birthmother and being "free" from my Mom for a while will allow me to do this, guilt free! Jules sent me this wonderful poem today and I think it expresses EXACTLY how I feel. Thanks to Jules for reading my mind, yet again. Take care!
"There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision. When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you." Copyright (c) 2000 Stacey Charter June 17 Treated like crap...again!!!!!Hubby and I just got back from my family reunion (father's side). It was horrid and I wanted to come home soon after we'd arrived. My sister now has Bozo hair (the color of) and looks terrible. My mother, as usual, was stuck up my sister's ass all day yesterday. Nothing new there. I got to see one of my best friends though. Hubby and I went to see her last night for a few hours and we had a great time catching up. I had gone to my parent's house early to help them get ready for the reunion. I thought I was being a big help, until we arrived back home today. There was a vicious, nasty email from my mom that she wrote after I'd left. Apparently, she couldn't find anything to bitch at me about (hell I'd bought her 2 movies, baked all the desserts for the reunion, and helped her out), but she still found a way to cut me to the core. Like I posted in my earlier blog, my mother has always made snide and ugly remarks to me about my mouth and today was no different. Her nasty email ended like this. "I love you dearly, but you talk too much". Great way to tell your kids you love them, right? This is the pot calling the kettle black. At this point, I've told my mother to stay out of my life and not to ever mention my name again. The other half of my brain really wonders if I should just try to stick with my birthmother and my brothers. They don't know me very well, but I've NEVER been treated so badly by them either. Right now, I'm nearly in tears because I'm sick of people going out of their way to be so cruel and nasty to me. Guess I've just been played and used again, only to be thrown out a short time later with the trash. My mother's excuses for her behavior are always the same. She constantly says that she's "tired", or "you miss understood me", or the greatest one-"there are more things going one here that you don't know about so please excuse me." As far as I'm concerned, this is a form of mental abuse. I'm tired of this crap! It's up to me to stop this cycle of abuse. In the past, I've always gone back and excused her behavior because she's my "mom". This enabling has got to stop now and I'm just the one to do it. Wonder what's going to happen next? Take care. June 07 Stop judging me....Wow, I've had exactly 7600 views since I started this. What an accomplishment. I see that no one's been coming by anymore and I guess that's because it's summertime and no one likes to be inside while it's pretty outside.
I've been wrestling with something lately. Apparently, I talk too much. I'm loud, I'm too honest, I'm too opinionated and I just talk all the time. I was chastised about this when I was a child and according to my mom, it "turned all the other kids off." As an adult, I've tried not to talk to much, but still those insults are said and they are just as hurtful then as they are now. I can't help the way I am. If people dislike me because of it then don't let the screen door bang you in the ass while you leave. I feel that a lot of people don't like me. Not the people I work with, mind you. It's the people I thought were my friends. What is wrong with people that they are just too mean to everyone else? I'm afraid that as a society, we just don't give a shit anymore. I'm a big woman. Yes, nearly the size of a house but still....that's me. I hate being big, but besides the fact that it's genetic, I just can't lose weight. Seriously, I didn't fit into my mother's mold and I wasn't thin enough at 12 so from that minute on, I was forced onto diets which basically screwed my metabolism for the rest of my life. The PCOS I have doesn't help at all either. So I guess I'm just a big fat woman with a big fat mouth. People don't like be for my size or my weight, well, I say "Fuck off!"
I'm a nice person. I like to laugh, I love comedies, I cry and I feel. I'm just as human as those Victoria Secret models, but I just don't vomit right after I eat. I fight for causes I believe in and I will admit that I am my own worst critic. Does that make me any less of a person? I don't think so. I will admit that I'm just as critical and judgemental of people as everyone else. However, the buck stops here. Don't judge me and I'm not going to judge you. Of all my faults and insecurities, my weight and my big mouth have always been harsh realities for me.
I remember one of my best friends told me, 12 years ago, that I was never to call her again. We'd been friends for over a decade, but then she just took away her friendship with out asking me first. I was telling my mom about it and she said that it was probably because this person was tired of my big mouth and embarrassed by my weight. I was also told that this girl never really wanted to be my friend but that her mother had insisted she be my friend. Kind of a harsh reality, isn't it? Either way, I just want people to stop judging others on appearance. If your friend talks a lot, just accept it or move on. If your friend could stand to lose some weight, again, accept it or move on! Had my friend just told me the truth 12 years ago, I wouldn't be wondering about it all of these years.
Since no one has been stopping by for a while, I'm going to just start venting on here. I don't really have much of a sounding board at home and I need to get these feelings out. Take care!!!! |
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